If you’ve ever attended a wedding, you may have been asked by the groomsman whether you were a friend of the bride or the groom.  This is in order to seat you on the correct side of the church.  Although, not etched in stone, it is traditional at a Christian wedding for the bride’s family and friends to be seated on the left-hand side of the church, while the groom’s family and friends sit on the right.  The opposite is true for Reform and Conservative Jewish weddings.  Traditionally, men and women are separated in an Orthodox Jewish ceremony.

This seating arrangement works well when the wedding takes place in the city where both the bride and groom live and the attendance from both sides is fairly equal.  However, many times this is not the case.  The bride and groom may be from totally different areas of the country, or perhaps you’ve decided on a destination wedding.  Whatever the reason, if the guests from one side will overwhelm the guests from the other, you may want to do away with this seating custom and just have your guests sit where they choose.  This will help to spread your guests out more evenly and create a more balanced look in the church for your wedding pictures.

Making out a guest list for a first-time bride can be difficult enough, but doing it again for subsequent marriages can be awkward to say the least.  The best rule of thumb to follow here is to try to keep the wedding on a smaller scale than your first.  This will automatically help to keep the guest list down.

It’s fine to invite close friends and relatives to your second marriage, even if they attended your first.  Casual acquaintances that attended your first wedding are best not invited to the second.  Ex-spouses or ex-in-laws should also be kept off of the guest list unless you’ve been exceptionally close with them even after the divorce.  However, remember to be understanding if they decline your invitation, as it may be uncomfortable for them to attend.

If your fiance has children from a previous marriage that are old enough to remember the wedding, it is best to invite them in order to keep them from feeling left out. 

Making up a guest list can often times be quite stressful.  Here are a few tips that may help to make that job easier.

Decide on a budget.  Knowing how much you can spend and how much the caterer will charge per person will determine the number of people that you’re able to invite.  It is perfectly proper to invite some guests to the wedding without inviting them to the reception.  You’ll need to order separate reception cards and include these cards only in the invitations of those who are invited to the reception.  Omit this card from those who are not invited to the reception.

Split the guest list 50/50.  Unless one of you has far fewer relatives and friends, it usually works best to allow the bride’s family to make up half of the guest list and the groom’s family to do the same.

Although you are never required to invite children, you should always be sure to include the ’significant other’ of any guest that is invited.  It is not required to invite ‘dates’ for single guests.

If you need to cut down on the number of people you invite, try omitting children.  This is accomplished by simply not putting the childrens’ names on the invitation.  But make your ‘no children’ policy known to those who may be asked, such as your parents, attendants, etc.  You can also omit business associates or coworkers from your guest list unless they are very good friends.  Distant relatives are another omission possibility.

If you are receiving many regrets from your first mailing of invitations, it is perfectly acceptable to do a second mailing.  Be sure you are giving your invited guests ample time to respond.

The reception is when your wedding favors will be handed out to your guests.  Be sure you have ordered enough to give to everyone who has been invited to attend this part of your special day.  It is not required to give wedding favors to those who have not been invited to the reception.

Recently, I was reading a blog from a young woman asking advice on inexpensive wedding favors to give out at her wedding.  I was amazed at the answer she received.  She was told that wedding favors had gotten totally out of hand and were completely optional.  Obviously this person had lost focus of what the wedding favor is all about.  Believing that a wedding favor is optional would be the same as receiving a gift and thinking that saying ‘thank you’ is optional.

For any guest to be able to attend a wedding, there is a personal sacrifice ~ certainly of time (a rare commondity these days) but in many cases, a great deal of money.  For guests within a few hours of the wedding it means the expense of gas money and perhaps a meal.  For out of town guests, however, the sacrifice is much greater.  This involves taking vacation time, the expense of lodging, meals, gas, and perhaps even airfare and car rental.  If these guests had the same mindset as the person who thinks wedding favors are optional, they might feel that their presence at the wedding was gift enough, however, etiquette requires they also bring the couple a present.  In many cases, a guest can spend hundreds of dollars in order to be able to share in your special day.  You don’t need to get caught up in expensive or elaborate favors, but presenting a wedding favor to your guests is a small heartfelt gesture showing them how much their sacrifice has truly meant to you.  Consider presenting your guests with a unique keepsake favor that they can continue to use long after the wedding day is past.  Remember, the giving of wedding favors is a way of expressing your love and gratitude ~ two things that should never be considered optional.

Years ago people would grow up, marry, and continue to live and raise their familiies within a few miles of their birthplace.  Today is a different story.  We’re a more mobile society.  People must relocate to where the jobs are.  Families now find themselves with relatives spread throughout the country.  It comes as no surprise, therefore, that a larger percentage of today’s wedding guest lists are made up of people from out-of-town. 

It can be quite difficult to attend an out-of-town wedding.  With the rising cost of gasoline, hotels and food, it can become a substantial sacrifice of money as well as time to be able to attend.  This is one reason why it is so important to let those special guests know just how much their presence at your wedding is appreciated.  Here’s a few suggestions to make those guests feel truly welcome.

* Check into several hotels in your area and try to negotiate lower prices for a ‘block’ of rooms.  Email them this information, along with phone numbers and directions, as soon as it is available to you.

* Make up ‘Welcome Baskets’ for your guests and deliver them to the hotel a day or so before they arrive.  Fill the basket with goodies like engraved champagne flutes, sparkling grape juice, chocolates, and fruit.  Include a gift card to a local restaurant.

*  Provide them with information on area activities, restaurants and shopping areas along with a local area map.

* Be sure to recognize these special guests at your reception, perhaps even make a toast to them and thank them for coming.

* Send all your guests home with a unique wedding favor that will become a chermished memory of your special day.

These few personal touches will go a long way in helping to make your out-of-town guests feel truly loved and appreciated.