Your bridesmaids need to know how grateful you are for all of the hard work and moral support they’ve provided over the past several months.  Traditionally, the bride-to-be hosts a bridesmaid luncheon where gifts are given and this gratitude is expressed.  These luncheons should always be held as close to the wedding date as possible.  However, maybe you’d like to show your appreciation while you’re not so rushed and bogged down in wedding details.

Consider treating your bridesmaids to a traveling girls’ night out several months before the wedding.  Start out at a nice restaurant and enjoy a light lunch or small dinner.  Then travel to the nail salon for manicures and pedicures.  Make an appointment with a make-up professional to give your attendants tips on how best to enhance their features and compliment their bridesmaid gowns.  You can also visit a hair salon for hairstyling tips and maybe even do a little jewelry shopping to accessorize their gowns.  Top it all off with a decadent dessert and coffee at a local coffee shop.

You can fill the day with as much or as little as you like (or can afford).  The idea is to show your bridesmaids just how special they are to you and how much you appreciate their friendship.

Once you’ve decided on your color palette for your wedding, be sure to continue to keep an open mind.  This isn’t saying that you need to change your color scheme totally, but remember that there are many colors that go well with and even compliment each other. 

Incorporating different shades of the same color can really bring some style to a wedding party.  Consider allowing the maid of honor to wear different colors than the rest of the attendants.  For example, your maid of honor could be dressed in burgundy or merlot, while your bridesmaids wear a lighter rose color.  Another alternative would be to invert color schemes in the dresses.  A silver dress with a violet sash on the maid of honor would be beautifully complimented by violet bridesmaid dresses with silver sashes.  Use accessories like shoes, jewelry, shawls or sashes to incorporate other colors.  Silver is fast becoming a very popular wedding color today simply because it does go so well with so many other colors such as gunmetal grey, slate blue, violet or pink.  Keeping these accenting colors in mind also helps when the mothers of the bride and groom go to choose their dresses.

By varying the colors in your wedding party, you add an elegant touch of class that is completely unique.  Just remember to keep within your color palette and watch out for colors that clash.  With a little imagination you can create a truly sophisticated look.

When it comes to choosing those who will stand up with you during your wedding, the ‘rules’ are fairly non-existent.  Aside from not wanting more people standing up in the wedding than sitting down in the audience, you can pretty much determine the size of your wedding party without fear of breaking any ‘wedding party etiquette’.

A good guideline to consider is that you’ll want at least one usher for every 50 guests.  Of course, you can always have more, but fewer ushers may make it more difficult for those ushers you do have to perform their job properly.  Corresponding the number of bridesmaids to the number of ushers will even things out, but there’s no rule that says it’s necessary.

You will want to have consideration for the people you ask to be in your wedding party.  For instance, if your maid of honor is pregnant, it may be difficult for her to fulfill all the jobs that will be expected of her.  In this case, you may want to consider asking a co-maid of honor to share the responsibilities.  Having a co-maid of honor will help if the wedding date and her due date are too close and she is unable to attend the wedding.  This also works well if you have two best friends, or sisters, and you can’t decide between them for the position of maid of honor. 

If your best friend is a guy, you may even ask him to be your honor attendant (men are never referred to as maids of honor).  It is just as acceptable for the groom to have a female usher.  In these situations, however, they are not required to fulfill the same job responsibilities.  For instance, a female usher should not escort guests to their seats and a male honor attendant should not be escorted by a groomsman.  He should either walk down the aisle solo, or escort another bridesmaid.

Since being a wedding attendant can be costly, try to also be sensitive to your friends’ financial ability. 

Unlike the bridal shower, the bridesmaid tea or luncheon is a chance for the bride to dote a little on her attendants.  This should never be considered an optional event.  It is an opportunity for the bride to express her appreciation for all that her attendants have been doing for her during the past few months. 

Typically the bridesmaid luncheon should be held the weekend before the wedding.  This is especially essential if any of your attendants work during the week and would find it difficult to attend a weekday party.  The tea or luncheon is a private party, hosted by the bride for the her maid of honor and bridesmaids.  Be sure to include any attendants that may be from out of town, even if it means that you need to hold the tea on the day before the wedding.

The cost of the bridesmaid tea is handled by the bride herself.  A gift for each bridesmaid should also be given as a token of appreciation for all that the bridesmaids have done for her.  Use this time to let your attendants know just how much they mean to you.

Traditionally, the maid or matron of honor was to be the one to host a bridal shower.  It was considered in bad taste for any relative of the bride, even the groom’s immediate family, to host a shower.  Apparently it was thought that this made it appear as if the families of the couple were asking for gifts.

Today the stigma of such strict bridal shower etiquette is not as strong.  In many cases, the maid of honor is a relative, such as a sister, so it is becoming more and more common for bridal showers to be hosted by whomever wishes to host one.

A bride-to-be is not limited by the number of bridal showers she may have, however, the hostesses of the showers should be sensitive to whom they invite.  In other words, if one bridal shower included friends from church on the guest list, a second bridal shower might include the bride’s coworkers.  Other then the bride’s attendants and the mother of the bride and groom, it’s best not to expect people to attend more than one shower for the bride-to-be.

Many brides like to give a gift to their Maid of Honor and bridesmaids that they will be able to use during the ceremony and long afterward as well.  My daughters purchased matching necklace and earring sets for their bridesmaids.  This not only guaranteed that everyone’s jewelry accessories would match, but it helped curb the cost that their attendants had to incur. 

You may want to help your bridesmaids with the cost of their dresses, especially if you’ve chosen some more elaborate and expensive gowns for the ceremony.

Another idea is to have pictures of you and your bridesmaids made into individual custom photo tile pendants.  Of course, they wouldn’t be worn during the ceremony, but they would certainly become treasured keepsakes of your friendship.  This idea will take some time and planning, but it’s not a complicated process and well worth the smiles they will receive.

Whatever you decide to do, be sure to set aside a special time to present them with their gift.  Make it a girls’ night out or ‘thank-you party’, or have a special luncheon at a coffee & pastry shop.  Spend an hour getting your nails done or have a relaxing massage at a day spa.  The important thing is to show your bridesmaids just how much they are loved and appreciated.

Every bride wants their wedding to be a happy time, but unfortunately the choosing of the bridesmaid dresses can put a strain on the relationship of even the best of friends.  Here are a few simple tips that will go a long way to keeping everyone happy:

1.)  If at all possible, try to have all your bridesmaids attend the dress shopping trip.  Ask for and listen to their ideas and preferences. 

2.)  Not all body styles are the same, so it’s unrealistic to think that the same dress style will look good on everyone.  There is no written rule that says all bridesmaid dresses need to be exactly alike.  Consider allowing your bridesmaids to choose their own style as long as it remains within the same basic theme, such as: formal gowns, sundresses, etc.

3.)  Most bridesmaids won’t have a problem keeping with your chosen wedding color scheme, but if color becomes a major issue, there are several ideas you can try.  Consider varying shades of the same color ~ the effect can be very dramatic.  Or you may try a rainbow of pastel shades ~ great for a springtime wedding.

4.)  Cost can easily become a source of contention.  Keep in mind that your bridesmaids may not be able to afford an extremely expensive dress and accessories.  Talk with your bridesmaids and agree on a general price before you shop.  If your heart is set on those high-priced designer dresses, consider paying for all or part of the bridesmaid dresses as your gift to them.

Making everyone happy can be tricky, but with a little consideration, it can be done.  Be sensitive to your bridesmaids’ desires.  After all, it’s really not that unusual for everyone to want to look their best.

So you’ve been asked to be the Maid of Honor at your friend’s wedding and you’ve never been in a wedding before.  Don’t stress!  Being a Maid of Honor is really not that much different than being a really good friend.  It actually is a pretty ‘common sense’ kind of thing. 

Basically, your duties will include:
     * Helping to shop for the wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses.  Help coordinate
        fittings.  Be responsible for paying for your own dress and accessories.
     * Plan and host a bridal shower, notifying guests of where the couple is
        registered.
     * Be available to help in other areas where the bride may need assistance.
     * Be sure to be in attendance at the rehearsal.
     * Help bridal party decorate the couple’s car before the ceremony.
During the ceremony, you will:
     * Hold the groom’s wedding ring.
     * Adjust the bride’s train at the altar.
     * Hold the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony.
     * Witness the signing of the marriage license.
After the ceremony & during the reception, you may:
     * Stand in the receiving line.
     * Help ‘bustle’ the bride’s wedding dress.
     * Sit at the head table with the bride & groom.
     * Offer to direct, if necessary, the photographer, caterer, etc.
After the reception, you may:
     * Offer to host a post-reception party for the couple & a few select guests.
     * Make a list of names & gifts, while the couple opens their presents.  Give this
        list to the bride to use when writing her thank you notes.
     * Take the bride’s wedding dress to the cleaners while they’re on their
         honeymoon.

Of course this in not an exhaustive list and the mother of the bride may actually take care of doing many of these things.  So breathe easy.  The bottom line is:  your job is to be that same really good friend  that you’ve always been!