Ever wonder why the bride traditionally stands on the left side of the groom during the wedding ceremony?  Long ago it was not unusual for kidnapping attempts to be made on a bride-to-be.  The bride, therefore, would stand on the left side of the groom in order for him to keep his sword arm free in case he needed to protect his bride.

Typically, the groom recruited the aid of one of the best warriors in his tribe to help him in just such an emergency.  This was the beginning of today’s best man.  Although it is still a special honor to be chosen for this position, the job description is far less life threatening (unless, of course, the best man loses the rings)!

When it comes to choosing those who will stand up with you during your wedding, the ‘rules’ are fairly non-existent.  Aside from not wanting more people standing up in the wedding than sitting down in the audience, you can pretty much determine the size of your wedding party without fear of breaking any ‘wedding party etiquette’.

A good guideline to consider is that you’ll want at least one usher for every 50 guests.  Of course, you can always have more, but fewer ushers may make it more difficult for those ushers you do have to perform their job properly.  Corresponding the number of bridesmaids to the number of ushers will even things out, but there’s no rule that says it’s necessary.

You will want to have consideration for the people you ask to be in your wedding party.  For instance, if your maid of honor is pregnant, it may be difficult for her to fulfill all the jobs that will be expected of her.  In this case, you may want to consider asking a co-maid of honor to share the responsibilities.  Having a co-maid of honor will help if the wedding date and her due date are too close and she is unable to attend the wedding.  This also works well if you have two best friends, or sisters, and you can’t decide between them for the position of maid of honor. 

If your best friend is a guy, you may even ask him to be your honor attendant (men are never referred to as maids of honor).  It is just as acceptable for the groom to have a female usher.  In these situations, however, they are not required to fulfill the same job responsibilities.  For instance, a female usher should not escort guests to their seats and a male honor attendant should not be escorted by a groomsman.  He should either walk down the aisle solo, or escort another bridesmaid.

Since being a wedding attendant can be costly, try to also be sensitive to your friends’ financial ability. 

The job of decorating the getaway car usually falls to the Best Man who can then recruit any of the other wedding attendants.  While everyone is enjoying the reception, the groomsmen sneak out and decorate the couple’s car.  When it comes to decorating, a good rule of thumb to follow is ‘Less is More.’  An over-decorated car, in addition to looking extremely tacky, can also be hazardous to drive.   Be sure to leave the front windshield clean and be sure there is ample visibility for the driver. 

Any party store will sell paints that are safe to use on cars without ruining the car’s paint-job.  You’ll also be able to find car decorating kits that can include ‘Just Married’ signs, vinyl clings or flags that attach to the windows.  Shoe polish, masking tape or even floral tape are safe to use.  Shaving cream is a definite ‘no-no’ as it may leave marks on the car’s exterior.  Attach balloons, streamers or garlands securely so they won’t come off in traffic. 

Be sure to keep your decorating limited to the outside of the car.  I know a couple whose brother got inside the car and filled it with pine straw and chocolate kisses.  Needless to say, it ruined the interior, took hours to clean, and wasn’t nearly as funny as the brother thought it would be.  Fortunately, the groom had an old jacket in the trunk, or the chocolate, which melted in the hot car, would have ruined the bride’s dress.  Some couples may not want their car decorated at all, and if this is the case, you need to be sensitive to their wishes. 

Decorating the getaway car is a fun tradition, and with good judgment and a little consideration, you can send your best friend away on his honeymoon in style. 

As the groom, it is customary to show your appreciation to your Best Man, groomsmen and ushers with a gift.  Like the job of bridesmaid, being a groomsmen does require a fair amount of commitment and expense, so a show of gratitude is appropriate. 

Some grooms like to give their attendants something that will be used during the ceremony such as a tie tac or cuff-links.  Others may like the idea of giving a more practical gift.  Gifts like Leatherman® tools or Victorinox Swiss Army® Knives are practical and can often be personalized. 

After deciding on what you’ll give to your groomsmen, plan a special guys’ night out to present them with their gifts.  It may be more convenient to just hand everyone their thank-you gift at your bachelor’s party, but this really isn’t appropriate since others will be in attendance besides your groomsmen.  Set aside a day or evening and plan a special activity ~ golfing, camping, watching football, whatever everyone enjoys.  Make the presentation of their gifts as memorable as the gift itself.

It is customary for the father of the bride and the best man to propose a toast to the newlyweds at their reception, however, this is not a hard fast rule.  Anyone may propose a toast in honor of the bride and groom.  If you’ve been asked to ‘do the honors’ there are a few things you need to keep in mind.

First of all, a toast is not a speech and should be kept short and sweet.  Confine the total length of your toast to less than one minute.  A wish for health, happiness and prosperity is always appropriate, but try to make it personal too.  Touch the hearts of your audience with sentiment, poetry or a fond memory of the bride and groom.  There are many websites out there that offer free wedding toast quotes.  One of my favorites is, “You don’t just marry someone you can live with, you marry the person you can’t live without.” ~ Anonymous

A toast is also not a ‘roast’.  Your job is not to poke fun at the couple’s habits, bring up past romances, or perform a comedy routine filled with in-law jokes.  Make your toast memorable for all the right reasons.  Remember, when you lift that champagne flute, you want to create the right kind of memory.

Finally, once you’ve gotten your toast down on paper ~ practice giving the toast in front of a mirror.  Knowing what you’re going to say will help keep you relaxed and make you more confident. 

Looking for something just a little different for that bachelor party you’re hosting?  I found this incredibly easy recipe in an old Wilton’s magazine that is perfect.  Originally, it was a birthday sandwich cake, but with the ‘beer’ candles, it just screams ‘bachelor party!’  This hearty “cake” will be a hit with the groom and all your fellow groomsmen.

Ingredients

1 loaf (1 lb.) frozen whole wheat bread dough, thawed
1/4 lb. each thinly sliced roast beef, turkey and ham
1/4 lb. each thinly sliced provolone, Swiss and cheddar cheese
1 jar (6oz.) roasted red peppers, drained
1/2 c. radish (or other) sprouts
4 - 5 large leaves of leaf lettuce
Butter, softened
Horseradish to taste
Mayonnaise
Honey mustard
3 packages (8 oz. each) cream cheese, softened
Stuffed green olives
Black olives (optional)
Wilton Beer Can Candles

Directions

Spray 8″ round (3″ deep) cake pan with non-stick spray.  Form dough into 8 inch loaf; press into pan.  Cover and let rise 1 - 1 1/2 hours or until doubled in bulk.  Bake at 350 degrees for 20 - 25 minutes or until bread sounds hollow when tapped.  Cool 5 minutes; remove from pan.  Cool thoroughly.  Cut horizontally into 4 equal slices.  To assemble ‘cake’:  Line same pan with plastic wrap, letting enough wrap hang over sides to wrap bread.  Spread bottom slice of bread with butter and horseradish; top with roast beef, provolone cheese and roasted red peppers.  Spread second slice of bread with butter and horseradish and place it butter/horseradish-side down, over roast beef layer.  Spread top of this second bread slice with mayonnaise; top with turkey, Swiss cheese and sprouts.  Spread third slice of bread with mayonnaise and place, mayonnaise-side down, over turkey layer.  Spread top of this third bread slice with honey mustard; top with lettuce, ham and cheddar cheese.  Spread cut side of loaf top (fourth slice) with honey mustard and place, mustard-side down, over ham layer.  Place assembled “cake” in plastic wrap-lined pan and bring wrap up around “cake” to cover.  Refrigerate 3 - 4 hours or overnight.  (To make “cake” more compact and easier to ice, during refrigeration place a large pan over top of the 8-inch pan and weigh it down with heavy objects such as cans of food.)  To ice “cake”, beat cream cheese with electric mixer until light and fluffy.  Remove “cake” from pan and place on serving board.  Spread top and sides of cake with cream cheese.   Garnish with alternating green and black olives, or if you feel really creative, you can pipe a shell border along the bottom edge using a decorator’s bag and shell tip.  Top with Beer Can Candles.

Serves 6 - 8.

Courtesy of Wilton Magazine 1995
www.wilton.com

So you’ve been asked to be the Best Man at your friend’s wedding and you’ve never been in a wedding before.  Relax!  Being a Best Man is really not that much different than being a really good friend.  It actually is a pretty ‘common sense’ kind of thing. 

Basically, your duties will include:
     * Helping to shop for the groom’s formalwear and the
        groomsman’s tuxedos.  Coordinate tux fittings.  Be responsible for paying for
        your own tuxedo and accessories.
     * Plan and host a bachelor party, notifying guests of where the couple is
        registered.
     * Be available to help in other areas where the groom may need assistance.
     * Be sure to be in attendance at the rehearsal.
Before the ceremony begins, you may:
     * Be in charge of getting the groom to the church on time.
     * Help bridal party decorate the couple’s car before the ceremony.
     * Be asked to double as an usher and seat the wedding guests as they arrive.
During the ceremony, you will:
     * Hold the bride’s wedding ring.
     * Witness the signing of the marriage license.
     * Give the officiating minister his fee.
After the ceremony & during the wedding reception, you may:
     * Stand in the receiving line.
     * Sit at the head table with the bride & groom.
     * Make the first wedding toast to the newlyweds.
     * Offer to direct, if necessary, the photographer, caterer, etc.
     * Assist the groom with handing out tips to caterers, photographers, etc.
     * Take care of delivering the gifts & cards that were brought to the reception to
        the post-reception party or the newlywed’s home.
After the reception, you may:
     * Offer to host a post-reception party for the couple & a few select guests.
     * Drive the couple to their honeymoon destination or the airport.
     * Return all groomsman’s tuxedos to the rental shop.

Of course this in not an exhaustive list.  Just be prepared to help out wherever the groom needs you.  The bottom line is:  your job is to be that same really good friend  that you’ve always been!