Giving someone an engagement ring is a big step; so is accepting one.  Although there really aren’t many ‘rules’ involved in the whole engagement process, there are a few guidelines that might make things a little easier.

If you want to surprise your girlfriend with a diamond, you’ll want to make sure you know her likes and dislikes regarding shape, size, setting design, etc., before you lay down a large amount of money.  It never hurts to go window shopping a little while you’re strolling together through the mall.  Listen closely to what she says she likes and be sure to remember the details.  Whether the band is gold or silver may not make a big difference to you, but it will to your bride. 

If the two of you have been talking marriage for a while now, and surprising her isn’t the most important thing, you’ll want to go ring shopping together.  Know your budget!  Although it is not necessary for your wedding band and her wedding band to match, you may find a better value by purchasing the three rings together.  Traditionally, the bride pays for the groom’s ring and vice versa.  If cost is a big factor, you may want to use the engagement ring as a wedding ring also.  If this is the route you choose to take, be sure the bride takes off the ring and gives it to the best man before the actual ceremony. 

There is one big ‘no-no’ when it comes to engagement rings.  If this is your second marriage, or even your second engagement, it is never okay to give your ex’s engagement ring to your new fiance. 

Years ago, it was understood that if this was your second wedding, the proper thing to do was to sneak off and tie the knot without a lot of fanfare.  No invitations were sent out, no special wedding gown was worn and no gifts were expected.  Nowadays, probably because it has become more and more commonplace, planning a second wedding differs only slightly from the first.

Despite popular belief, white wedding gowns are perfectly acceptable even if this is not your first marriage, with the one exception of a wedding dress with a long formal train.  Although white originally was a symbol of innocence and purity, today it has become more a symbol of joy.  The wedding veil is also appropriate if you choose to wear one. 

The areas where planning a second marriage would differ the most deal more with engagement announcements, gift registries, bridal showers and wedding costs.  Formally announcing your engagement is still considered improper if this is your second marriage.  Gift registries should also be avoided if this is your second marriage.  However, if this is your first marriage and your fiance’s second, it is fine to register for gifts. 

Bridal showers usually are not thrown for anyone other than the first time bride.  Since the purpose of a shower is to help the bride furnish her new home, it no longer is necessary in subsequent marriages.  If your friends or your fiance’s relatives would like to throw you a party, you should make it clear that gifts are not expected.

The bride and groom are expected to pick up the entire tab for the second wedding.  If the bride’s parents offer to pay, there is nothing wrong with accepting their generosity, however, you should never ask them to foot the bill for another wedding.

The topic of whether or not a diamond is the best stone for an engagement ring will always raise a multitude of opinions.  It’s true that the diamond engagement ring has its roots in medieval Italy.  However, other stones, such as emeralds, sapphires, and rubies, were also used during that time in the making of engagement rings.  The popularity of the diamond stems from the fact that they are considered to be the strongest and most enduring stone available, thus being a perfect symbol of strong and enduring love.

Despite the overwhelming preference for the diamond in the making of engagement rings, it is not considered wrong or inappropriate if you would like to use any other gemstone for your ring.  Some family heirlooms are set with many different types of stones and can make the most romantic engagement rings, carrying on family traditions from one generation to the next.

You may want to consider using a birthstone for your engagement ring.  Even if you don’t want to totally get rid of the diamond, a birthstone can make a great accent stone in an engagement ring design.  You can choose the stone which will symbolize your birthday or his birthday.  You can even choose a stone which will celebrate the anniversary of the month in which you met, the month in which you were engaged, or even the month in which you are to be married. 

Monthly birthstones are as follows:
January ~ Garnet
February ~ Amethyst
March ~ Aquamarine
April ~ Diamond
May ~ Emerald
June ~ Pearl
July ~ Ruby
August ~ Peridot
September ~ Sapphire
October ~ Opal
November ~ Topaz
December ~ Turquoise

Once you’ve made it official by accepting the proposal, you’ll want to begin sharing the good news with others.  Customarily, the bride’s parents are the first to be informed, followed closely by the groom’s parents, and then close friends and relatives.  A newspaper announcement is a great way to let a lot of people know at one time, however, it shouldn’t take the place of ‘the personal touch’ when it comes to those who are close to you.

Although an engagement party can be held by the couple and the news of the engagement revealed at the party, it is typically hosted by the parents of the bride, and takes place shortly after the engagement has been formally announced.  If you’re planning a short engagement, the party should be held as soon as possible so as not to interfere with bridal showers, bachelor parties, etc. 

The groom’s parents may also want to host an engagement party to share the news with their family and friends.  Although the bride’s parents traditionally throw the first party, the couple is not limited to only one party. 

Engagement parties may be as formal or as informal as the host and couple may like.  Gifts are not required at an engagement party, however, if you do receive any presents, be sure to send out thank-you notes shortly after the party.

Purchasing a diamond is an investment, so you’ll want to get the best quality diamond you can for the money you spend.  It’s always a good idea to shop at a jewelry store that is reputable and is a member of the AGS (American Gem Society).  

Be sure to ask questions regarding the four C’s of diamonds ~ clarity, color, cut and carat (see previous blog).  But don’t stop there.  You’ll also want to know about their extended service plan (ESP).  This plan usually comes with a small fee and you may need to have your diamond ring checked every six months, but it can be invaluable in the long run.  It will normally cover the cost of sizing, prong repair, and diamond replacement if the diamond is lost.  Ask about money-back guarantees.

Don’t purchase a diamond without first taking it to an appraiser of your choosing.  This will not only guarantee the quality of the diamond, but a written appraisal is necessary to order to insure it under your homeowner’s policy.

See if the price is negotiable.  Surprisingly, many jewelers will ‘make a deal’ in order to get your business.

Be sure to visit many jewelry stores before making your final decision.  You don’t want to ‘fall in love’ with the first diamond you see and make a purchase, only to walk past another jeweler’s window and see a diamond ring you like better. 

Ultimately the style of setting and the size of the diamond is a matter of preference.  But remember, purchasing a diamond is an investment, so in my opinion, it is better to purchase a small flawless diamond than a larger one with a lot of imperfections. 

All diamonds are rated in the same four areas.  They’re called the Four C’s and they stand for Clarity, Color, Cut and Carat.  Whether you choose to shop for the diamond engagement ring on your own, or you prefer to have your bride-to-be go with you, you need to pay attention to these four marks of quality. 

The Clarity refers to the number of imperfections in a diamond.  The fewer the imperfections, the greater a diamond’s clarity.  This factor is the most important when it comes to the beauty of the diamond.  Imperfections can cloud the appearance and therefore will produce a lower quality diamond.

The Color is just what it sounds like.  Some diamonds may have a yellow, blue or pink tint to them.  The more colorless the diamond is the greater its quality.  The color is a key factor in determining the value of any diamond.

The Cut is simply the shape a diamond has been cut into.  A cut with more facets will produce a diamond that has more sparkle.  A few of the more common cuts of a diamond are round, marquise, pear and oval.

The Carat is the actual size of the diamond and is referred to as carat weight. 

The first two C’s are the most important factors to take into consideration when determining the quality of your diamond.  The last two C’s are strictly preference.

The dream wedding all begins with the proposal so be sure to put some effort into how it will all play out.  Romantic proposal scenarios are plentiful and a thoughtful groom-to-be will spend some time devising the perfect way to ‘pop the question’.  Here’s a few ideas to get your creative juices flowing:

  *  Recreate a special moment in your relationship by proposing to her at the same place where you had your first date,  first kiss, or where you first told her you loved her. 

  *  Keep it a private experience by inviting her over for a home-cooked romantic dinner for two by candlelight.  My future son-in-law proposed when he came to our house to visit over Christmas break from college.  He got up before anyone else in the house and prepared a beautiful candlelit breakfast for my daughter. 

  *  Choose a place and time where the two of you can focus on each other.  Take a quiet walk in the park, a boat ride on the lake, or go for a picnic.  Outdoor scenery can add the perfect touch of romance to a proposal.

*  Use an innovative approach like attaching her engagement ring to a cruise ship luggage tag.  Hand her the tag, explaining that she can use the luggage tag when you go on your honeymoon.

  *  If you’re a more ‘extreme’ kind of guy, propose in a hot air balloon, on top of a mountain, or on an underwater scuba dive.

The words you choose are just as important as the location.  Make it as short and sweet as possible.  Preparing a lengthy heartfelt speech may seem like a good idea at the time, but a proposal can make even the toughest guy nervous enough to forget his own name.  Once you get down on one knee, your bride-to-be will figure out what’s going on and volumes of words won’t really matter.  However you decide to propose, make it memorable.  This is a moment of your life that neither you or your bride-to-be will ever forget.

Even if you choose to publish an engagement announcement in the newspaper, you can also send out individual announcements.  You can, of course, have engagement announcements professionally printed at the same places you would purchase wedding invitations, but they can also be made by hand.  If you have a computer and a printer, you’re in business.  Many department stores sell blank card or announcement forms that you simply run through your printer with the desired information.  It’s less expensive than having them done professionally, but if you really want to get the most for your money, try creating them from scratch.

Simple card stock is sturdy yet flexible enough to be run through a printer, and it comes in a variety of colors.  Use a label maker program to print out several copies of your announcement on one sheet.  Cut out the individual cards and edge with any scrapbooking scissors.  Add a picture of the two of you and detail your card any way you like.  If you have even the smallest knowledge of scrapbooking, you know the possibilities are endless. 

If you know your wedding date, you can also let your announcements double as a ’save-the-date’ reminder.  Glue a small magnet on the back of each announcement so your guests can place it on their refrigerator and remember to set aside your wedding day on their calendars.  Letting your guests know of your wedding date far in advance really is doing them a favor.  We live in a busy culture and many times the 4 - 6 weeks notice given with a wedding invitation simply isn’t enough time.

Getting engaged can be a very exciting time so it’s no wonder the first thing you want to do is tell everyone you know.  The best way to do that is through an engagement announcement in your local newspaper.  Of course, you’ll want to personally phone all those important people in your life ~ parents, grandparents, best friends, but even they would probably enjoy receiving a copy of your official announcement.

Contact the newspaper that will publish your announcement.  Most papers have a standard form for you to fill out.  This can normally be done online.  Information that should be included in your announcement would be the name of the bride & groom-to-be, their parents, where the couple attended school and their places of employment.  You should also include the date of the wedding.  Even if you haven’t set a date yet, it’s not too early to announce the engagement.  Simply state that a date has not yet been set.  Be sure to include an engagement picture.

Some larger newspapers can be quite costly, so look around for smaller local papers that will publish your announcement free or for a small fee.  After all, no one really cares which newspaper the clipping you send them comes from.    Placing your announcement in smaller publications also has the added benefit of a lower cost when it comes to purchasing several copies of the newspaper. 

Be sure to save a copy of your announcement for yourself.  It makes a great ‘first page’ in your wedding photo album!